FreeWrite No. 2: That’s the Last Time I saw Her

She surprised me. Like the shock of a jellyfish, eye opening and painful.

I wasn’t like this.

This isn’t me.

And from that moment I saw her, it took me seven years to be free.

She was always present, but never around. Not in the lunchroom or in the hall. Her photos confused me, but made my heart fall.

But… I wasn’t like this.

This isn’t me.

That flicker of light was blown out by heteronormativity.

I’d see her twice a year, three if the stars aligned, at this point in life I’d love to rewind, just because she had a perfect smile and skills to match.

She was a winner, but too hard to catch.

That year in high school was coming to a close. And it was the last stand off.

Home field advantage. But we never won.

I watched her walk away, the last time I saw her… Not even knowing she was my “someone”.

Photo Credit: Eiko Jones, August 23, 2016, taken while on a night dive in Tahsis, B.C. 

“All My Single Ladies….Put Your Hands Up!”

It is absolutely everywhere. Every time you scroll through Instagram you come across at least one highly edited photo of a twinkling diamond sitting upon a perfectly manicured hand. After so many engagement announcements on Facebook and wedding invitations in the mail a girl has to think to herself at least once, “Well shit, what the hell am I doing wrong?”

Now, I am not trying to sabotage the happiness of those who are happily wed, for I believe each person has their own choices to make and fates to embrace. However, I, among many others, are one of the single women thinking to themselves, “Am I the only one getting left in the dust?”

Popular culture has tried to convince us that getting married young is the most recent and sought-after trend. Well, I’m sorry about it pop culture, but you’re wrong. Dead wrong.

According to Pew Research, “Barely half of adults ages 18 and older are married—51 percent in 2010, compared with 72 percent in 1960.”

Additionally, the rates of marriage are declining while the average marriage age is rising. The advances and social acceptance of birth control has given women opportunities in careers that they never would’ve dreamed of 60 years ago.

The median age of marriage in the 1960’s were the early 20’s for both men and women, compared to the median age taken in 2011 where women average 27 years-old and men wait to tie the knot until they are 29, said Pew Research.

Nevertheless, I understand completely that every once in a while a woman gets down on herself for being single. I won’t lie, it is lonely and self esteem depleting; however, there are additional studies that say that single women are happier than those who are married.

This is because women find it easier to make life-long meaningful relationships with other women.

According to WebMD, “Men tend to have a certain homophobia about hanging out with another guy . . . For men it’s not so easy to sit down and have coffee or a leisurely dinner with another guy.”

WebMD continues by saying that wives or girlfriends tend to be the main source of emotional support for men, and when the relationship is over they lose that.

The simple solution is girl power. We all know the saying chicks before dicks, but in all seriousness friends are like bras, close to the heart and there for support. There is nothing more therapeutic than a night out with the girls… or even a night in front of the TV.

According to sciencedaily.com, gossip is even emotionally healing, “Although not associated with self-esteem or life satisfaction, higher levels of gossiping were associated with feelings of greater social support.

So long story short, us single women are not necessarily the minority and even more importantly we are slowly coming the majority. To put it simply I know that being single really sucks sometimes, like really sucks; however, it is not something that a tipsy night with the ladies can’t fix

It’s okay to be alone, embrace it! Truly, this is the one time in your life that you don’t have to tend to a stinky husband or screaming kids. Travel, explore, learn, and most importantly enjoy the young life that you have. Single women really have all the power in the world because ultimately we are the ones that call the shots. As Mandy Hale once said, “’Single’ is an opportunity to live life on your own terms and not to apologize.”

Previously published in the Branding Iron

Slut Is Only a Four Letter Word

I want you all to brace yourselves before I say this. It may come as a shock to a few, so if you need to take a seat that’s entirely appropriate. Ready? Girls like sex too! I know, it sounds like an urban legend passed through generations of whispers. But I’m about to bust that myth wide open, we are just as much sexual beings as you are fellas. This is not an attempt to take over your testosterone dripping limelight in the realm of fornication, but I would like to work on establishing a niche for women in your universe of copulation.

The stigma comes from the stone-age idea that women are only useful for bearing children and that their sexual pleasure is about as mythical as Rush Limbaugh’s support for women. But, really, what is so bad about a woman indulging in sex? Do men just want to selfishly stow the pleasure away and keep those locker high fives to themselves?

Opposed to popular belief the average age of deflowering in both men and women is surprisingly similar.

According to kinseyinstitute.org, the average age that men lose their v-cards is age 16.9 and women come in hot at 17.4.

However, I feel as if society ignores this similarity and punishes girls for exploring their sexuality, while on the other hand it allows the excuse “boys will be boys.” What does that even mean? That it’s acceptable for men to run around like mindless baboons sniffing out females in heat? Each time a man sleeps with another woman they get another notch in their bedpost and another story to affirm his “stud status.”

Women, on the other hand end up receiving the short end of the stick in this situation (along with every situation for that matter). As soon as a woman even remotely indicates the fact that she is interested in a man she is basically labeled as a slut. However, unbeknownst to most of the public women have kept up with men fairly well when it comes to sexual statistics.

According to kinseyinstitute.org, 2.2 percent e of men ages 18-24 reported having sex four or more times per week, while the percentage of women in the same age group and category came in at 4.9 percent.

This gap between percentages has led to the infamous practice of slut shaming, which degrades and insults a woman for her sexual behavior, dress or taking action in line with her sexuality in general. Slut shaming has implemented a double standard stating that men can engage in sexual behaviors freely, but women should still be waiting for marriage or “true love” to drop their panties. I am not calling women who decide to withhold their sexual feelings to themselves prudish. I am only saying that each woman should be entitled to their own choices pertaining to their sexual behavior without social repercussions.

My only word of advice to the rest of the ladies out there is to not let shit like this bring you down. I understand that being called a slut sounds like nails on a chalkboard and feels like a kick to the ribs; however, it’s only a four-letter word. Embrace your sexuality and look at it more like your personal exploration of the world and everything it holds. Own it, there is nothing to be ashamed of. If men get to revel in the glory of ostentatious numbers of partners then it’s only fair that we get to as well.

And concluding with the wise words of Walt Whitman: “Sex contains all, bodies, souls, meanings, proofs, purities, delicacies, results, promulgations, all hopes, benefactions, bestowals, all the passions, loves, beauties, delights of the earth, all the governments, judges gods.”

Previously published in The Branding Iron

Witty Women: There’s More to Life Than Tampons

“Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, five guys right now…like right now?”

Seriously, what the fuck is that? Personally, it makes me absolutely sick that Daniel Tosh would label this as “comedy,” or anyone who would find that humorous.

Undoubtedly, there are many types of comedy; however, they all have one thing in common: a copious amount of men. This won’t come as a surprise to many considering the fact that men outnumber women in a majority of careers.

So, what’s the deal? This may sound like just another feministic rant about how women need to be equal in the entertainment world etc. etc. But seriously, it’s a little ridiculous that women have been trying to thrust a foot in the door of the comedic world since the 19^th century and they are still having minute success.

According to http://www.forbes.com, Caroline Hirsch, owner of Caroline’s, an acclaimed comedy club on Broadway, says “the number of female performers has hovered around 20-25 per-cent of comics since she founded the club in 1982.”

So, the real question comes down to be: is the women’s fight for numbers in comedy just another feministic cry for equality? Or is there a little more to it?

“A 2010 poll conducted by Channel 4 found that 94 out of the 100 greatest standups were men,” states www.theguardian.com,

So the answer is yes, yes there is a little more to it.

Not only are the “best comedians” men, they also appear to be white and middle- aged, which are coincidentally the majority in the United States. Forbes magazine exhibited an article titled, “Top-Earning Comedians of 2013,” and by some fortuitous event 7 out of 10 of the top-earning comedians were white, middle-aged men.

According to quickfacts.census.gov, 77.7 per-cent of the United State’s population is white, assuming that women and men both make up 50 per-cent of this figure, then that means that a majority of comedy is based around the lives and experiences of approximately 39 per-cent of the population.

This goes to show that comedy is just another area where white men dominate and the rest are considered insufficient. Congratulations America, you did it again.

Another issue with women in the comedy world is that—apparently—women only speak about “female issues”, which are not understandable to the general public. Many male comedians have claimed that all women talk about are issues with men, shopping, and their menstrual cycles. I’m sorry, but last time I checked there is much more to a woman’s life than phalluses, Louis Vuitton’s, and tampons. On top of that, men have even gone as far as trying to eliminate female comedians altogether.

In Yael Kohen’s “We Killed: The Women in American Comedy,” Anne Beatts, a writer for SNL, states that, “John Belushi used to regularly ask for us to be fired.”

Additionally, another comparable incident could be seen on the Oprah show where caste member Jane Curtin “claimed that Belushi tried to sabotage skits penned by female writers by performing them poorly in so that they would never make air.”

The last argument is that men need to be naturally comedic because “women don’t need to be funny to get laid.”

“The chief task in life that a man has to perform is that of impressing the opposite sex, and Mother Nature (as we laughingly call her) is not so kind to men,” said Christopher Hitchens, writer for Vanity Fair

Gil Greengross, Department of Anthropology at the University of New Mexico, and Geoffrey Miller, Department of Psychology University of New Mexico, whom conducted a study in 2011 on how humor ability reveals intelligence said, “Intelligence predicts humor ability, humor ability predicts mating success, and males show higher average humor ability.”

If you want to thump around on the stage like a Neanderthal yelling “GIT-ER-DONE!”, and sounding like you have the IQ of a fence post then please, be my guest and take all the intelligence you need.

So, I assume the bottom line is women aren’t funny because we don’t have penises, which makes us obviously so much more subservient to the male race.

 Previously published in The Branding Iron

Lovely Ladies, Just Tell Them to F- Off

Ladies, listen up. And I’m talking about the actual “processing information” listening, none of this in one ear out the other bull shit. I know we have all heard this a million times, in fact probably a billion, but that does not make it any less important. You are beautiful! You know why? Because of the simple fact that you are a woman. We have the ability to push watermelons out of our vaginas and give new life to the world. If that’s not considered a beautiful thing then it wouldn’t be called the miracle of life.

You may have heard of the young Registered Student Organization Real Women Real Bodies within the past year, which I believe could be arguably one of the most important RSO’s in the University of Wyoming’s history. Despite popular belief, women’s (and men’s) views on body image are an issue in this country, and a notable one at that.

According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associate Disorders, “91% of women surveyed on a college campus had attempted to control their weight through dieting.”

For those nine percent of you that have abstained from following any dieting trends: congratulations!

Recently, Cosmo Magazine recently interviewed Sydney Stein, president of Real World Real Bodies, about their latest exhibit in Gallery 234. The exhibit displayed nude silhouettes of women in order to emphasize the importance of loving one’s body and being comfortable in your own skin.

Is this type of exhibit necessary on a college campus? Well considering the fact that the body of an “ideal woman” is overused throughout advertising and only five…FIVE percent of the population actually meet this “ideal” naturally, according to anad.org So I say yes its necessary. Absolutely necessary.

Ultimately, the media is the biggest issue in regards to women and their ideas on body images. The advertisements on television showcasing impossibly thin women would make any woman feel like a whale. Although we all realize that sex sells, these unrealistic portrayals of women’s bodies is beginning to take a toll.

According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, “81 percent of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat.”

I don’t know about you, but the only thing I was concerned about at the age of ten was evading the bathtub and trying to sleep without a night-light.

Several organizations are striving to revive the idea of natural beauty and to heighten women’s self esteem. The most notable being the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty, which produces heart wrenching commercials of women and their misconceptions of beauty. The campaign has been working with Girl Scouts of America to create self-esteem boosting programs working on encouraging and inspiring girls around the world. Their goal is to reach 15 million girls by the year 2015; so far they have already opened the eyes of 7 million little ladies. So there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I will leave you with a quote, in the wise words of Jennifer Lawrence, “If anybody even tries to whisper the word ‘diet,’ I’m like, you can go fuck yourself.”

Previously published in The Branding Iron