Witty Women: There’s More to Life Than Tampons

“Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, five guys right now…like right now?”

Seriously, what the fuck is that? Personally, it makes me absolutely sick that Daniel Tosh would label this as “comedy,” or anyone who would find that humorous.

Undoubtedly, there are many types of comedy; however, they all have one thing in common: a copious amount of men. This won’t come as a surprise to many considering the fact that men outnumber women in a majority of careers.

So, what’s the deal? This may sound like just another feministic rant about how women need to be equal in the entertainment world etc. etc. But seriously, it’s a little ridiculous that women have been trying to thrust a foot in the door of the comedic world since the 19th century and they are still having minute success.

According to http://www.forbes.com, Caroline Hirsch, owner of Caroline’s, an acclaimed comedy club on Broadway, says “the number of female performers has hovered around 20-25 per-cent of comics since she founded the club in 1982.”

So, the real question comes down to be: is the women’s fight for numbers in comedy just another feministic cry for equality? Or is there a little more to it?

“A 2010 poll conducted by Channel 4 found that 94 out of the 100 greatest standups were men,” states www.theguardian.com,

So the answer is yes, yes there is a little more to it.

Not only are the “best comedians” men, they also appear to be white and middle- aged, which are coincidentally the majority in the United States. Forbes magazine exhibited an article titled, “Top-Earning Comedians of 2013,” and by some fortuitous event 7 out of 10 of the top-earning comedians were white, middle-aged men.

According to quickfacts.census.gov, 77.7 per-cent of the United State’s population is white, assuming that women and men both make up 50 per-cent of this figure, then that means that a majority of comedy is based around the lives and experiences of approximately 39 per-cent of the population.

This goes to show that comedy is just another area where white men dominate and the rest are considered insufficient. Congratulations America, you did it again.

Another issue with women in the comedy world is that—apparently—women only speak about “female issues”, which are not understandable to the general public. Many male comedians have claimed that all women talk about are issues with men, shopping, and their menstrual cycles. I’m sorry, but last time I checked there is much more to a woman’s life than phalluses, Louis Vuitton’s, and tampons. On top of that, men have even gone as far as trying to eliminate female comedians altogether.

In Yael Kohen’s “We Killed: The Women in American Comedy,” Anne Beatts, a writer for SNL, states that, “John Belushi used to regularly ask for us to be fired.”

Additionally, another comparable incident could be seen on the Oprah show where caste member Jane Curtin “claimed that Belushi tried to sabotage skits penned by female writers by performing them poorly in so that they would never make air.”

The last argument is that men need to be naturally comedic because “women don’t need to be funny to get laid.”

“The chief task in life that a man has to perform is that of impressing the opposite sex, and Mother Nature (as we laughingly call her) is not so kind to men,” said Christopher Hitchens, writer for Vanity Fair

Gil Greengross, Department of Anthropology at the University of New Mexico, and Geoffrey Miller, Department of Psychology University of New Mexico, whom conducted a study in 2011 on how humor ability reveals intelligence said, “Intelligence predicts humor ability, humor ability predicts mating success, and males show higher average humor ability.”

If you want to thump around on the stage like a Neanderthal yelling “GIT-ER-DONE!”, and sounding like you have the IQ of a fence post then please, be my guest and take all the intelligence you need.

So, I assume the bottom line is women aren’t funny because we don’t have penises, which makes us obviously so much more subservient to the male race.

 Previously published in The Branding Iron

Lovely Ladies, Just Tell Them to F- Off

Ladies, listen up. And I’m talking about the actual “processing information” listening, none of this in one ear out the other bull shit. I know we have all heard this a million times, in fact probably a billion, but that does not make it any less important. You are beautiful! You know why? Because of the simple fact that you are a woman. We have the ability to push watermelons out of our vaginas and give new life to the world. If that’s not considered a beautiful thing then it wouldn’t be called the miracle of life.

You may have heard of the young Registered Student Organization Real Women Real Bodies within the past year, which I believe could be arguably one of the most important RSO’s in the University of Wyoming’s history. Despite popular belief, women’s (and men’s) views on body image are an issue in this country, and a notable one at that.

According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associate Disorders, “91% of women surveyed on a college campus had attempted to control their weight through dieting.”

For those nine percent of you that have abstained from following any dieting trends: congratulations!

Recently, Cosmo Magazine recently interviewed Sydney Stein, president of Real World Real Bodies, about their latest exhibit in Gallery 234. The exhibit displayed nude silhouettes of women in order to emphasize the importance of loving one’s body and being comfortable in your own skin.

Is this type of exhibit necessary on a college campus? Well considering the fact that the body of an “ideal woman” is overused throughout advertising and only five…FIVE percent of the population actually meet this “ideal” naturally, according to anad.org So I say yes its necessary. Absolutely necessary.

Ultimately, the media is the biggest issue in regards to women and their ideas on body images. The advertisements on television showcasing impossibly thin women would make any woman feel like a whale. Although we all realize that sex sells, these unrealistic portrayals of women’s bodies is beginning to take a toll.

According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, “81 percent of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat.”

I don’t know about you, but the only thing I was concerned about at the age of ten was evading the bathtub and trying to sleep without a night-light.

Several organizations are striving to revive the idea of natural beauty and to heighten women’s self esteem. The most notable being the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty, which produces heart wrenching commercials of women and their misconceptions of beauty. The campaign has been working with Girl Scouts of America to create self-esteem boosting programs working on encouraging and inspiring girls around the world. Their goal is to reach 15 million girls by the year 2015; so far they have already opened the eyes of 7 million little ladies. So there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I will leave you with a quote, in the wise words of Jennifer Lawrence, “If anybody even tries to whisper the word ‘diet,’ I’m like, you can go fuck yourself.”

Previously published in The Branding Iron

It’s Not Just an Issue of Black or White

I can’t hide the fact that I’m white, but sometimes I wish I could. I wish I could deny my white privilege, but I can’t do that either. I just walk around feeling like the enemy. The recent events regarding police brutality have begun to affect me more than I ever thought they would.

I tried as hard as I could to ignore the Michael Brown incident, the Eric Garner incident, and the most recent Tamir Rice incident. I won’t lie; I willingly entered into the realm of cognitive dissonance. I used my “whiteness” as a tool so I didn’t have to care. I know how terrible that sounds, but I’m just being honest. However, the harder I tried to ignore the riots and the court hearings the more I felt like a hollow cast of a human being. I was trying so hard not to care that I had begun to lose my humanity.

The first time I met my best friend the only thing that came to my mind was “black.” Not her kindness or her intelligence, or her leadership, but the fact that she was black. It took me over a year of living with her and seeing her everyday not to see her just as “black.”

The other night I came home and saw her in tears, her swollen eyes glued to the T.V., which just repeated the outcome of the Eric Garner case. It was at that moment I knew I couldn’t sit back anymore. I couldn’t let her fight this fight alone. I knew what was happening was wrong, but what could I do? I am a white 20-year old living in Laramie, WY. I’m the enemy, I’m the one at fault right? Wrong. I may be white, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to help, because I do.

For those of you who feel as if it is not your place to help because you’re white, join the club. But it’s not just the black community’s responsibility to fight this. We are allies. We are husbands, wives, sisters, brothers, best friends, teammates, peers and professors of these people. It’s our fight because it’s everyone’s fight.

For those of you who believe that what is happening is justified, where is your humanity? Black people are just as human as you are, they have hearts that beat, ten fingers and toes and share many of the same dreams and goals as the rest of the American population. When did it become such an inconvenience to care about our fellow man (and woman)? Some may say that they deserve it. Deserve what? To be racially stereotyped as criminals? Thus, making them open to police brutality?

Also, take a minute to reflect upon the fact that according to fbi.gove, out of the 30 offenses documented on the site in 2011, only three of them were committed by more black people than white. These included: murder and non-negligent manslaughter, robber, and gambling. Out of 9.5 million offenses committed, black people executed only 28% of them. So the assumption that the black community is wreaking havoc across the United States is false, because a majority of the havoc is being caused by white. Additionally, according to naacp.org, blacks are incarcerated at nearly six times the rate of white. Although statistically speaking 68% of serious offenses are committed by white, the incarceration rate is much lower indicating that somewhere along the line the numbers don’t quite add up.

America boasts as being a nation driven by Christian values. But I fail to see these values used within the most basic realm of everyday life: compassion. Blacks in our society are usually placed into two categories: criminals and athletes. It’s time they are put in a third category: human beings.

Previously published in The Branding Iron

Beer Cans or Better Grades?

Imagine a hazy, smoke clouded room. Keystone cans littering the floor and a kid passed out with sharpied penises on his face. None of us are strangers to this sort of scene; we’ve either seen it in a movie or witnessed it in real life (apologies to those penis-faced individuals out there). This is what college is advertised to be, especially according to Asher Roth’s declaration of his love for college. Remember? “Man I love college. And I love drinking. And I love women. Man I love college.”

Many freshmen come into college excited for a new start, but are giddily unaware of what the university experience really holds in store for them. So, what is college all about? Most of us work our whole lives to get to this point in our academic career, driving to get an elevated GPA in high school every year and taking every ACT Prep test imaginable. But once you’re finally here you kind of think, “Well, what the hell am I supposed to do now?”

We all know how the first week of class goes: attend every class, gather syllabi, and dutifully write down every homework assignment into your planner (which eventually gets “lost” underneath your bed). Then, slowly, after the rush of a new semester begins to subside you begin hitting the snooze button and taking just “one more shot” at the Buck on a Wednesday night. Many people begin to feel guilty about letting themselves go during the school year, harping on themselves for skipping class and confessing to the priest that the recent Saturday was the last they will ever be fraternizing with Mary Jane. We all need to give ourselves a break and take a piece of the “cool your jets cake” staring you in the face on the counter. College is basically the only time we have to mess up and still receive $200.00 after we pass go.

This is the last time in our lives that we are still given a little leeway when we mess up. We are not really adults, but we also aren’t children and we are supposed to be responsible all at the same time. For most of us we are fortunate enough to still have our parents just within reach if we ever feel like we have done detrimental damage to our pending futures. And others who aren’t so fortunate still get cut a break usually because mostly everyone has been in our situation. We all have just enough money to pay rent and eat ramen for the week because it only costs a quarter.

A lot of students just wish this time away daydreaming about their futures, which hold five-six figure paychecks, green lawns and careers with insurance benefits. Just stop! Mess up, make mistakes, drink a little too much, sleep on floors and skip school once in a while. These are the best years of our lives and what stories will we have to tell our children if we never step outside the boundaries?

Despite everything that your high school teachers and parents tell you as you venture off into the (semi) real world—ignore it. Take that impromptu trip to California, fail a class and hook up an IV drip laced with caffeine to get through a night of cramming before finals.

This is what college is about… as Tom Petty says, “You’ll never remember class time, but you’ll remember the time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So stay out late. Go out with your friends on a Tuesday when you have a paper due on Wednesday. Spend money you don’t have. Drink ’til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does…”

 Previously published in The Branding Iron